A Nice Week

I am still counting the thousands of gifts in my life. As of today, I have reached 3,327. And I know that I have failed to record thousands more! One of the fun gifts this week was receiving these photos of Danny from Michelle. The photo above was taken just before we left the hospital to bring Danny home. The photo below was taken last week when he was one month old. Is that bear shrinking, or what???

Thanks for praying for my sadness . . . I still miss Danny Boy a lot, but am not weepy this week. I had a lovely week! I had the privilege of giving my talk on "Choosing Life" to the Christian cadets at the Philippine National Police Academy. I appreciate our IGSL students and faculty who minister there every week. The students were very attentive and we had a good time.

.

I am teaching World Missions to three different groups of IGSL students, each group in a slightly different format. I love teaching about this topic . . . it's my passion in life, so it is always a welcome opportunity when I can influence others to make it their passion too.

.

Another special opportunity has been the chance to help someone practice forgiving. When the incident started, I thought of it as a negative thing . . . but as it has unfolded, I can see God's grace in preparing this person for future ministry by helping her to be a woman of grace and forgiveness. And that is a very good thing, right?

.

I have felt God's love in so many ways this week. He is an awesome God!

Missing a Little Boy

I haven't posted for two weeks! I've been getting over jet lag, adjusting back to my life in Manila, catching up with friends, showing pictures of my grandson Danny to anyone who will humor me, and teaching a class in Partners in Ministry. I have had so many wonderful opportunities for discipleship in the last two weeks. God has created unexpected openness in the hearts of many of the students I have been working with. So far, 2010 at IGSL has been a great year for me.

But in the midst of it all, I find that I am missing Danny so much! I am missing the chance to hold him and cuddle him and watch him grow. Realizing that it will probably be more than a year before I see him again brings tears to my eyes every time the thought crosses my mind. I never imagined it would hurt this much!

I am surprised, I guess, because I have spent the last 30 years apart from most of my family. James and I know that is part of the cost of God's calling in our lives. We have lived apart from Michelle for more than six years now, and from Matthew for more than four years. While it has been hard many times, it hasn't made me this weepy! I thought I knew how to handle it. Why, now, am I totally undone when I remember that I can't hold Danny today?

I don't know the answer. Being a grandmother is a new experience for me. I can't explain it. But I think it has to do with the fact that the next time I see him, he won't know me. Although it is hard to be apart from my children, they do still remember me and we can pick up where we left off. I can still talk to them on the phone, and chat, and email. But with Danny, the only way to connect with him at this stage of his life is to hold him, and I can't do that. So my empty arms are aching.

Would I change anything? No, I wouldn't. I am so sure that we are where God wants us. As I said, this week has been so full of good fruit among the students I am working with. I love what we do. I am so privileged to be here. But I have never wanted so much to live on two sides of the planet at the same time.

Homesick for Heaven

I'm collecting memories. I have just a few more days with my grandson, daughter and son-in-law. I am treasuring every moment! I am also re-living many memories of when I was a new mom. Michelle is so tired . . . she asked me today how long that would last. Four weeks? Six weeks? I didn't want to tell her that it will probably not be counted in weeks, but in years!

Although I have thoroughly enjoyed being here, I am ready to go back to Manila. My husband, my home, my life is there. Many dear ones are there. I am homesick. But to go there, I have to say goodbye to people here. And that is always hard.

As I look ahead to the new year, I am looking forward to visiting many dear ones around Asia. We will definitely visit Nepal, Thailand, Bangladesh, and possibly Sri Lanka. I am excited about seeing many of our graduates. But again . . . the time will be too short. I know this from experience. And we will have to say goodbye again.

This morning I received news from a dear friend (my best friend from college) that her eldest son died in a car accident yesterday. He was only 22. My tears have been very close to the surface all day. Death is so wrong! So this goodbye, which seems way too early from my limited perspective, has added to today's ache.

The thing I look forward to most about heaven is NO MORE GOODBYES!